Looking Back

I wanted to do a little update on "looking back" at our first IVF. It still doesn't seem real we did IVF! I know it didn't work but we tried, we had hope, we beleived in God and are accepting that it wasn't our time. The first couple weeks I could start crying just thinking about it but I am doing MUCH better now. I will admit that first week or so after we found out we weren't pregnant I was kinda angry with God. We have been through so much and I just didn't understand. It has only been a little over a month since they transfered our little embryo but during that time I feel like I have grown through all this. I whole heartedly believe in His plan!! And can't wait till that day!

My body has been through so much and my poor ovaries have probably been stimulated a little too much this past year. We are going to take a break and sometime next year we will transfer the only two little embryos we have left. We still talk about adoption and I think we always will even if we get pregnant (hopefully:))

We talked to Dr. J about when we are ready on what we need to do. He told us about it and from the sounds of it when they do a FET (frozen embryo transfer) it is going to be like a walk in the park compared to IVF. I was surprised about how much less we will have to do. So we were both happy about that:) I did bring up to Dr. J about getting a little discouraged about this IVF not working with such a great looking embryo. Wondering if something else could be wrong, but he had no worries. He gave us some options and told us we still have two very good embryos. Which is reassuring! So....until our time I probably won't bring much "baby" stuff up. 

I do have some pictures looking back at our IVF. And in my next post I will post some pictures from a vacay we took to the OBX (Outerbanks). It was a much needed vacay and we had so much fun!!!!! We left just in time before Sandy got there. And through all of this I did make a change at work. I felt like a change was for the best and I am looking forward to being able to do more with family and friends on the week-end:) I still work on the same unit but changed my position and I DON'T have to work every other week-end 12 hours shifts!!!!!! 5 years since I have been able to say that!! Woo hoo.....happy girl here. hehe

    

Before surgery. I don't look nervous but I was! My heart rate is normally in the 60's and it was in the 90-100 range.

After surgery. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. You can tell I had a little medication in me.

 This was while I was on bedrest. A picture with the embryo in me.

And this was the night I had to go out in the car to take my trigger shot. I thought this was going to be my last time having a drink in 9 months:(

The guy's

With the one I love the most!!!!!

The same news we always get

I guess it is time to tell everyone the news. This week I have thought about blogging a few times about what we found out but then I just wouldn't have any urge. I really don't feel like talking about it now but I know people are wondering. The ladies at work I have already told because I am around them a lot and just wanted to put it out there. I didn't want to go through them asking and me feeling like I could break down each time.

We are NOT pregnant. I had so much hope on this! So many people were praying for us that it brought tears to my eyes. So many GREAT people in our life and they too are the one's helping us get through this hard time. I know it wasn't guaranteed that we would get pregnant. I think the doctor gave a statistic of a 64 percent it would work for us. Even though I didn't think of this IVF transfer as a statistic. I knew we had a good chance! In all it had to be up to God to give us this miracle child. I don't know why this wasn't our time. I just cried and couldn't sleep the night we found out. I still get emotional and don't feel like talking about it much. Well, Jarod I do want to talk to about it.

I hate bringing this up but it is hard seeing other couples get married and get pregnant right away. When I feel like it should be our turn. I'm confused on what we should be doing. Should we start looking into adoption or keep trying?? Like I have said before, I still have the desire to keep trying. It shouldn't be this hard to have a child. This year we decided we won't do anything more with baby stuff. We see our doctor at the end of this month to talk. So we will see what 2013 will bring us! I am so ready for something good to come!

We Did It!

Today was our transfer date and WE DID IT!!! After the past emotional and physical three weeks plus all those other years, it made today feel so worth it! I know this does not mean 100 percent that we will stay pregnant but this is the closest we have ever been! We only transfered one embryo since our doctor felt that one embryo looked so good. We had originally talked about two but that one looked so good we stuck with that one! Hopefully that little booger stays strong:) Just the feeling of knowing I could have a baby starting to grow inside me is incredible:) I still think about when we first started trying we didn't know if we would ever do IVF and now we did it! You never know what you may do until that time comes. Now we just wait and pray for the best! I probably won't post anything about this for a while after this post b/c if we do have a positive pregnancy test I will want to wait for a little while before we say anything. And if it is negative I know I won't want to talk about for a while b/c I know it will be hard. Couch rest the rest of the day hoping for a sticky embryo:)

They are Growing

Yesterday the egg retrieval went great! We had to be at the clinic at 6:15 and they did the retrieval a little after 7. Like I had said, I was a little nervous of the sedation but it wasn't that bad at all. I remember telling them I knew the medicine was working b/c the room was spinning and then the next thing I knew they were waking me up on the cart. The only thing I don't remember is going from the surgery room to the post op area. Soon after I did take 1/2 a pain pill since I was starting to cramp already and I am glad I did! I ended up taking a whole one 4 hours later b/c I was pretty sore/crampy. I did get nauseous on the way home once and another time at home but today I feel A lot better!! Hopefully I don't think I will have to take any pills today.

They were able to retrieve 20 EGGS!!! Then this morning they called and said, 16 were mature and 9 fertilized:) Woo Hoo!! I keep praying they stay strong b/c those are our embryo babies! Now I just have to wait to see when they can transfer them back inside me. Usually they wait 5 days to make sure they do okay.

Yesterday I was pretty much bed ridden and we decided to rent "what to expect when you are expecting". It was a funny movie but we could relate to some of the couples! I know it is a comedy but I started crying when they were all delivering. I couldn't help it! And the part where the one couple was meeting the child they adopted.....so sweet! It was the perfect time to watch this movie! I hope we will be doing the same thing in 9 months:) I will update in a couple days about the transfer date!

Scheduled

It is scheduled and my surgery for the egg retrieval is on for tomorrow! My estradiol level was 2,698 yesterday and I am officially done with all my injections! It felt so weird not taking anything this morning after taking injections the past 16 days. Day 22 of my cycle will be tomorrow.....longer than most but we made it:) Plan on doing NOTHING tomorrow after the surgery. Hoping our little embryo's take off and will be ready when the time for transfer comes!!!

This could happen

Tomorrow I go to Carmel for another ultrasound and maybe my last till surgery!! It still doesn't feel real that we may actually be doing this! I know it is up to God if we would happen to get pregnant but just the thought of being this close brings a smile to mine and Jarod's face. Last night I couldn't help but to bring up topics about the empty baby room we have had ever since we have lived in our house. We may actually get to fill it....but I try to tell myself not to get too excited. Then at the same time being able to have this thought, excitement and possible reality with my husband is such a good feeling!

The surgery on the other hand, I am a little scared about because I have never been "put out" before but am just ready to do it! Any type of surgery is a little scary and you never know if that percentage of a risk could be you! I know I will feel sooo relieved after it is done and hope they can get a lot of eggs!! I have been feeling pretty bloated/uncomftorable especially the past day or so, so I know they are growing! And I know I have said this before and it won't be the last:) But THANK YOU to all who have been saying prayers for us! I know not everyone can do this and this was a HUGE decision for us to make.

Patience

I wanted to put an update on my appt today before I went to bed. I actually had HAPPY tears today!!! I drove to Carmel thinking the worst but praying for the best. When they did the u/s I had 10 follicles on my right ovary and 3 on my left! Right away I seen all my little follicles pop right up on my right ovary......I couldn't believe it!! I was proud and ready to write all the measurements of each down! I left with nothing but happy tears and called Jarod right away! They want me to take injections for a couple days and go back up. I can't wait to go back up now:) I know friday I was pretty down but knew I couldn't let it get to me too much. I think God was testing my patience......and that made today a million times more special! I hope everything continues to look good as we keep getting a little closer to starting a family!!