Sunday, April 22, 2012

Bad News Is My Middle Name

I am back to update on our third IUI. Well, the title tells it all:( I ended up having my 10 day u/s on day 9 (friday) since I had to work the week-end! I went to the office to have my blood drawn and then we looked at the ultrasound to see that I had some decent size follicles but they weren't quite mature enough yet. Which is normal at this time! So they had me take more injections friday, saturday and sunday night and I was back again for another ultrasound monday. And that was the day I found I stimulated a little too much:( I had 7 large follicles on my right ovary and 3-4 on my left. I was scared of this and I even paged my doctor sunday night about taking my injection that night. I was starting to feel a little pressure and had never felt this with the other two IUI's. He still had me go ahead and take it that night but when I seen the ultrasound I wished I hadn't! My last IUI I took 4 vials of Bravelle and this cycle I took 7.

The office called me monday afternoon to let me know Dr. J would not proceed with the IUI with that many follicles. I know we don't want to be like John and Kate plus 8 but we were willing to try with that many follicles. I know call us crazy! But in our heads we really did't think sperm would find a home in all those eggs. I know it can happen but in our circumstances we just don't see it! We called them back to see if we could go for it and they still declined us. I knew it was b/c they were only looking out for the best for us. I even called the next day to see if we could just go ahead with a hot IVF but their lab was down. Ugh! I called back again to see if Dr. J could go to another office to do it, but no. I think at this point the nurse was probably like....she is calling again!

It is just so hard when we do so much and then have to stop it all!!!! I was so upset monday and tuesday b/c I know we have to wait around two more months before we can try this again AND that is even if our doctor will even want to. I am not one that likes to give up though. I couldn't stop crying monday and tuesday and didn't want to leave the house b/c I was so sad. I sometimes feel like maybe we shouldn't be doing this b/c we always seem to get bad news. Is that a sign??? I dunno know! But in our hearts we still want to try so we continue to follow our hearts! Last week I had so many mixed emotions but knew I couldn't stay down. I have so many wonderful people in my life that are so supportive and that helped so much!! More people than I imagined:) And I know I especially couldn't stay as strong without such a GREAT husband!!!! I am doing better after that rough week even though in the back of my head I wonder what the future holds.

Our comfort in our darkest hours can come only from the God who promises to never abandon us (Dt 31:6).

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Round 3

Last week I drove up to Indy to see Dr. Jarrett for a baseline ultrasound. I always get nervous for this because I am always scared of what they will find. When they did the ultrasound we first looked at the right side. Looked great...still little cysts from my PCOS but other than that good. Then we looked at the left side. Not so good:( I had little cysts on that side as well along with two larger cysts. That is what I was scared about! They checked my estradiol level, gave me birth control pills and a script for Letrozole because we didn't know what Dr. Jarrett was going to do and I left with my hopes down. I got in my car crying because this isn't the first time they seen larger cysts. I had it in my head that Dr. Jarrett was going to say take the birth control and then come back when I have my next period. I had to do that once and it did get rid of my cyst.

The day went along with me feeling a little down but then I got the call later that day from the nurse to tell me my estadiol level was not high meaning that my cyst was not active and that Dr. Jarrett felt comfortable trying for another IUI this month! I wasn't expecting that at all but was HAPPY!!!! I have so much trust in Dr. J and just hope those two cysts don't interfere with my follicles trying to mature.

So I have been taking my Letrozole pills and Bravelle injections this week and go back for another ultrasound to see if I am making some good follicles. I hope so:) I am trying to stay busier so I don't think/worry about the unknowns. This is always more of an emotional time for me but I know that it is in HIS hands. I keep praying for our time to come.

If you could say a prayer for us these next few days/weeks I would appreciate it so much!