Thursday, October 28, 2010

Back to the hospital

Today my dad had his doctor's appt. and he said my dad may have to be on bedrest another month! He is just taking longer to heal. I know there is nothing else we can do except to let his body heal on its own like nature intends it to. So today my dad asked if he could go back into the hospital b/c he feels so crammed in his bed turning every 2 hours and he was getting more depressed with everything going on. Not most people ask to go back into the hospital but he felt like it was best for him. I thank everyone so much that has said a prayer for my dad!!!!! I think the doctor putting him in the hospital happened for a reason. Hopefully my dad will be healed by the holidays! With lots of love, Ashley.  

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What bedrest can do to you

I debated about posting this but I am so confused on what to do that I just have to. I feel like I try and try and get no where.....and it just hurts. This post is about needing prayers for my dad. Like you know he had surgery September 28 and with it being a month later he is still on bedrest trying to let his body heal from the surgery. He was able to come home last week but in an ambulance because the doctors still don't want him out of bed. While in the hospital he got a little infection so that set him back healing wise but we were hoping he would have been able to get out of bed by now! I can't imagine having to stay in bed 24/7!!! We have to go by the doctors orders though and my dad HAS to stay in bed. The only thing is that my dad is getting so stir crazy that he said, no matter what he is getting up this week-end. He has a doctor's appt. tomorrow and I am a little scared to hear what he has to say. What if he feels he still isn't ready to sit up? What if something happens and then my dad has to start at square one again?

I know it is extremely hard for my dad but I try to encourage him as much as I can. I have been visiting him most of the days I am off work but it doesn't seem like it is affecting his mood/thoughts. Well.....I know it is a little but I just wish he would be in better spirits. This past week or two he has just been thinking so negative and just isn't himself. He gets upset about things easily and I try to talk to him about it but I feel like I get no where. My mom and grandma try to talk to him and still don't really get nowhere. This is what I was mostly asking prayers for. I pray that my dad starts to have a better outlook on things. I know only he himself can do this. It is ultimately up to him. The only thing is that it affects all of us and just flat out makes me sad. I hate seeing my dad like this! He knows this isn't long term and I keep saying each day is one day closer that he will be able to get up. I have really thought about having a counselor or someone talk to my dad. I have been in situation's trying to help before but this time it is harder and I am trying to do the best thing. My mom stays at home with my dad everyday and he will want to take his frustration out on her at times and it just kills me. The last time he had to stay bedridden was after the car accident 6 years ago and half of that time he was medicated and didn't really know what was going on. My dad has his times where being paralyzed gets to him but this is reallyyy getting to him and is affecting my mom as well.

Does anyone know of a counselor that will go to someone's home or even a counselor that they can go visit?!  This is just something really hard to deal with. At first I didn't even know if I wanted to bring this out in the open because it can be embarrasing. But I feel I need some advice or suggestions at this point. I hope the doctor gives the okay to my dad to get up because I know that will help tremendously but as long as he has to stay bedridden he is going to feel trapped. If you have any advice or suggestions please, please, please tell me!!!! I am ready for things to settle down for a bit between this and our infertility struggle! The holidays are quickly approaching. I keep reminding myself things will get better!!! Everyday is a new day:)

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. -Deauteronomy 31:8     

Thursday, October 14, 2010

1 doctor, 2 Doctor, 3 Doctor.....More?

Between Jarod and I and my dad it seems like we are always seeing doctors! My dad is STILL in the hospital and it we hit the 2 week mark yesterday. I know in my previous post I had said the doctor thought my dad would only have to be in the hospital 2 weeks. We were hoping but weren't counting on it too much b/c like I said anytime my dad goes in the hospital it is usually 3-4 weeks. It is weird saying, only 2 weeks b/c normally people are in and out of the hospital on average a week. But it is something we just prepare ourselves for and try to help as much as we can to get my dad back home. We don't try and push it though b/c we want my dad back home cured and don't want any reasons to be going back to the hospital again. At first my dad was doing okay but I think with anyone after being in the hospital for a while it will start to get to you. He was getting a little down but is back to his old self again. I think too if I had to stay in bed in the hospital all day and night I would start getting a little stir crazy too. haha. I am one that likes to keep busy!! When it was really nice outside I could tell my dad wanted to just be outside b/c he knows the winter is fast approaching. My mom and grandma have been going down there everyday and staying pretty much the whole day with him and I have been driving 2-3 times a week. Ugh....I hate that hour drive and after a while it just wears you out. But I want to see my dad and keep him company so I tough it out. He is still getting IV antibiotics and the doctor says, his surgery site is healing good but just a little slower then he wanted. As long as he is improving we are all happy!

As for Jarod and I. I have been putting it off to post about our most recent doctor's visit b/c I was so emotional about it at first and didn't really want to talk about if for a couple weeks. It hit me harder than Jarod but we are both doing better. We just have to keep reminding ourselves something will come of this all and no matter what does I know we will be happy! So here goes. A couple weeks ago we got the results back from Jarod's hormone levels, Semen Analysis (SA) and Urinalysis. Hormone levels were normal so that couldn't be causing his low sperm count. Urinalysis didn't have any sperm so he doesn't have a back flow of sperm into his bladder. And his SA was ZERO again!!!! Three weeks prior to this appt. his count was zero and 3-4 months ago his count was 2 million. I know things can change in 3 months with sperm production so that could effect the results every 3 months. So we are still in the process of trying to find out why Jarod's sperm count is low. The doctor said, the last test to do is a testicular biopsy. Do you remember me saying the other doctor wanted to do that?! Well now that we have had Jarod's hormone levels checked, his  urinalysis done and his couts are now zero I feel more comfortable moving forward with this option. Note how I said, I. Jarod is still a little scared but is willing to do it. Before I didn't want to jump into surgery until we had other things tested and just b/c surgery would be more painful for Jarod. Well I think we are at the point where this is the last option and if we can't find anything from this then we may not know whey Jarod's counts are low.

The biopsy will determine if Jarod is producing adequate sperm or just really none at all. The doctor said, 1/3 of the time the male is producing enough sperm but has a blockage and that is the cause but the other 2/3 are just not really producing. The way the doctor was explaining to us didn't sound good. But we want to know what is causing this and are hoping and praying, hoping and praying that is is a blockage. I want Jarod to be one that has a blockage!!!! The surgery was elective and it took us a couple days to decide exactly what we wanted to do. I know Jarod will be sore a couple days after the surgery and will be on bedrest but I told him I will take good care of him:) So the surgery is planned for the begining of Nov. I am happy I have a husband that is willing to go through this b/c not all guys would want to. No matter what we have to go through I know we will be at one another's side and will support one another. I have to say, I am one of the luckiest girls to have such an amazing hubby!!!!

Until then we will have to wait and see. And like I said, I had been putting this post off b/c when we heard the news I was thinking we may never be able to have a kid that is both ours. And that may be true! However, if we can't I can't let that get to me or us. I know there are other options out there even though I would LOVE for US to have a kid together!!!! Wouldn't most people?! I was sad at first and those first couple of days after hearing that news I didn't want to do anything.....I really didn't think I would be like that. I guess you never really know until it happens. And that saying is so true......when something does happen you never really know until it happens but you have to keep moving forward and thank God for what you do have. I know there will still be days where I will get down but I know that is normal. It is hard to believe next month will be a year since we have been trying and thinking we had thoughts we would be a family of 3 by now!!!! I hope 2011 will be the year a little Knepp will be made:)

Besides all that doctor business we really have been enjoying life and this awesome weather!! We took a drive through Shoals and to French Lick last saturday. I know some people would laugh but it really is pretty around there esp. this time of year!! We got to see the golf coarse at French Lick and that place is absolutely beautiful!!!! I could just hop in a golf cart and drive around and be completely happy. haha. It is gated but if you can get the chance check it costs a lot of $$$ though! Too much for me!!! We did sneek in though and looked around for a couple minutes and that is how we go to check it out;) Then sunday we just hung out at the house and some friends over and watched football. Typical sunday!