Tuesday, January 15, 2013
I know I talk about God's plan. I see families start and multiply more than once while we are still trying. I think of my "want". I get frustrated, heartbroken, try to stay patient, keep my faith, grow, get confused at times, have doubts and many more emotions! I always think of why we have so many set backs and if there is meaning to this. Over the past 3 years and 2 months of us trying we do think of adoption more. Are all these set backs preparing us?? This crosses my mind A LOT. I so badly want to carry a child....to have that feeling. I think most women would! It does scare me that this may never happen to me. I try so hard and am one that doesn't like giving up. For the ones out there that have adopted when did you know you were ready to take that leap? I still feel like trying a little longer but don't know how much longer I can take "trying" if you know what I mean. And thanks so much for the prayers and support!!!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
I debated about posting this but I am having doubts that I will get pregnant. As most know we took a break after we got a negative pregnancy test after our first IVF. We thought we would try a FET (frozen embryo transfer) the beginning of this year. Well, I waited for my period to start in December ....and after 45 days I knew it wasn't going to start. And I knew I was NOT pregnant! I try not to stress about it but to be honest that is extremely hard!
I knew that they had a protocol and if I was late that would push things back. I was suppose to take birth control after I started my period but instead they had me take Provera to start my period and jumped right into taking estrace to prepare for our FET. I really wanted to take BC because I know it helps decrease the size of large cysts that they tend to find on my ovaries but I was ready to try again!!! Well, I had an u/s last week and guess what?? They seen a large cyst and had to cancel. I have been told "we have to cancel" more times than I ever wanted to hear. I have literally cried leaving the office pretty much everytime because once again they had to give me bad news. I see that look on their face that they hate to tell me the news but they always say, we will get you there! I am starting to have my doubts though! Is there a reason this keeps happening?! I question that all the time!
For now I am taking BC and will have to go back to Indy for another u/s and we will see from there what we will do next. I always try to stay positive but it is just hard sometimes! I keep praying those two frozen embryos waiting on us will grow inside me! I just don't know if that is in God's plan though:(