Confused

I know on my last post I talked about going to the doctor's office for my first u/s after taking some of my medications. Well that was Tuesday and they didn't really see any follicles. I wasn't too worried about it because our last IUI it took me a little longer to make follicles. So I was thinking that will probably happen again.

Well, yesterday I had another u/s after they increased my medications and it looked pretty much the same as my first u/s. Another nurse came in to double check if they were missing anything. Nope! At this point I didn't know what to think. I knew it wasn't good! I am confused, hurt, angry and all sort of other emotions!!! How can this be? All of my other IUI's I produced too many follicles and now we finally get to the point where we are comfortable to do an IVF cycle and there is NOTHING! I know every cycle is different BUT we did four IUI's and I had no problem producing. In a way I feel like I am being punished! The main reason we wanted to do IVF was because I couldn't take cancelling treatment's....and I am afraid that is what we are going to have to do this time:( I get my hopes up only for them to get knocked down again and again! I asked Jarod, do you think this is a sign that everything we try something goes wrong?!

When I left the office yesterday once again crying the nurse's thought Dr. J would cancel my IVF but they were going to call after they talked to him. I called work and told them I would be there monday and was already thinking about what do we do now? Should we try again? Later in the day the nurse called back and said, Dr. J would like to increase my medication again and have me come back in monday for one last u/s. That is one good thing I like about Dr. J is that he is always willing to try a little more. But, I am going to go up monday thinking the worst. I am still holding onto my hope and praying to God to help me be at peace with his plan! I would absolutley LOVE for my u/s on monday to show some follies growing but I know I will have to wait and see....