Big Decisions

These past couple weeks I decided I wasn't going to post during our fourth IUI and to just update with hopefully good news afterwards. But that is not the case! We thought about it and took the chance of doing this IUI without IVF as a back up because we were ready to try again! We originally were going to do IUI with back up IVF since the last time they had to cancel our IUI because I overstimulated and had way too many eggs! But when we were told we would have to wait longer we decided to go for it and decrease my medication dosage and hope I wouldn't overstimulate.

At first my body wasn't making a lot of follicles (eggs) based on my 10 day u/s which was great so they uped my dosage a little. I waited a couple days and went back for my second u/s, which I still wasn't ready. At that pint this cycle was nothing like the past three and I think that is what threw everything off because my third u/s proved my body went into overproduction mode AGAIN!!!! My estradiol level was over 1000 and I had around 15 follicles! Right when they did the u/s I could see all these follicles pop up like wild flowers and I knew then that I was not going to get good news! The nurse doing my u/s I have gotten to know since December and I could tell she was hoping for one to stick out just like I was. But nope:( She looked at me and said, what do you think? I couldn't help it but to start crying and say, I know he is going to cancel again. I was so sad when I left and was feeling all types of emotions. I wasn't going to let myself get as down as the last time though.....I knew I had to stay strong!

I told the nurse we did take the chance but I was kicking myself for it! I should have known better but I know I couldn't look back! I was mad at myself that day but I know there is a reason for everything so I know there is a reason this happened! I told Jarod I am NOT DOING ANYMORE IUI'S because I can't take it after cancelling two now! So now we have the decision of IVF (which I NEVER thought we would have to do) or adoption. I know we would like to try atleast one IVF though! It does scare me but I talked to the nurse that day about it and that helped. There is so much involved emotionally with all of this I can't wait until we can start our family! I do know I wouldn't be able to be doing any of this without such a GREAT husband though!