Thoughts

These past couple weeks we haven't been too busy. Jarod has been helping coach a baseball team this year and their last game was monday. They lost but I know they had a ton fun! Jarod's little half-brother (Ashton) was on the team so I got to watch my man coach and watch Ashton play. I love the fact that he could help on his brother's team:)

Rewinding back to last week. Jarod finally had his appointment with the urologist and it took forever in there. I think we waited almost an hour. So Jarod made himself at home and laid on the examing bed and I think almost fell asleep. haha. Once the doctor finally came in we talked a little and explained everything and what we thought Jarod had. The doctor then examined Jarod in a place men don't usually like to be examined. haha. Then said, I don't think I feel anything. What?! I'm going into to detail so hope you don't mind. I know I had felt it before b/c I was curious but it had been a while. I thought it was on the left side and so that is what we told the doctor. Once we got home I told Jarod, let me try and feel again. haha. I didn and I felt it on the RIGHT side!! Then  I wondered if the doc. even felt the right side or was only focusing on the left b/c that is what we told him. Ugh!! So now we are back to square one. I was hoping after the appointment I would feel a little better or atleast maybe have an idea if Jarod does have a variocele. Now I feel more confused! The doc. did order a lab test (FSH) and I should find out the results later this week. I don't really want to wait till the next appointment in 2 weeks.....sooo I am going to call in and ask for the results just b/c I am curious and want to know if it is normal/high/low. Why did the doctor order an FSH?! Well FSH stimulates sperm production so doing the test helps determine why a male's sperm count may be low. The doctor said if it is high then he may have a blocking, if it is normal he may do an ultrasound to see if Jarod really does have a Variocele and if it is low there are meds out there than help increase a FSH level. So here we are again waiting. Something I am NOT good at!!!

This waiting thing has been getting to me the past week! I wonder:

how long will we have to be "trying"

doing lab work

procedures

visiting doctor's

will we have to do IVF (b/c I am willing to even though it does scare me)

will we get PREGNANT

will this takes YEARS b/c I hear of that all the time from couples dealing with infertility

Jarod is almost 30 and what age will he be when we can have kids....if we can

I had been doing good but I have my ups and downs and this week has been a down for me. Usually I am positive about almost eveything. For some reason I am having a hard time with this issue. Why? I dunno. I pray everyday and hope God is hearing my prayers. I wonder why some couples have a hard time conceiving and others don't. I know life isn't easy and maybe God is reminding me. I have been through plenty of struggles and I KNOW life isn't easy. I really found that out the day my family was in a car accident. I lost a sister that day and almost lost my dad a few times. He was VERY sick for a few months and we literally lived in the hospital for atleast a month to see my dad every minute we could in the ICU!! I am VERY thankful my dad is still here today along with my mom and I don't know what I would do without them!!! But then I wonder why did he take my sister and why are we having to struggle with inferitlity now?! I am the only one now that can give my parents a grand-child and boy are they ready!!! I wish I could tell them they are going to be grandparents but I can't. The only thing I can do is pray!! I feel for all the other women out there that are dealing with this. I really know where you are coming from. We haven't been dealing with this for as long as many other couples and still have a long road ahead of us. Kinda scares me! I have already started following other infertilty blogs and that really has helped me!!! If anyone is dealing with this feel free to e-mail me (an41@evansville.edu). I would love to try and help you out or maybe give you some advice!!! I thank all the women that have already talked to me about this b/c it truely has helped:) I hope I start to get out of this rut soon....I know I will but I just hate when I get in them. I think everybody gets a little down sometimes. We are human!

Until next time....I will have a happier post:) haha. We have a couple Fourth of July things going on and will post about that next week!!

Hope everyone has a great Fourth of July week-end!!