Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Haunting

Ever since we got back from our trip a couple weeks ago infertility has been haunting me. The whole time we were cruising the open seas I didn't think about our infertility... not even once!!! I know some may say, not even once? I don't know why I didn't but I think it was because we were always doing something and I didn't have time to think about it. I don't know how other people get after a trip but I was a little down for a couple days after our trip because it was all over with. Back to reality!!! I was also missing my friends like crazy!!! After being with them for a whole week it felt weird not seeing their faces.

So I started thinking about our infertility even when I didn't want to think about it. Like the title says, it felt like it was haunting me!!! I truely hate being down!!! For a few days after our trip I was down. I always try to look at the positive in things!! But those of you who have delt with infertility know that it is an up and down rollercoaster. For a couple weeks you are okay with it and then a couple weeks later it hits you again. I am one that wants to stay busy so I don't have to think about things like this as much. Not really running from it all but I don't know what to call it. We don't see our infertility doctor (second) until May so I keep praying asking God to keep me strong.

The haunting is going away for me for now but I hope if someone else is dealing with a haunting to just kick it in the booty. haha. This whole experience can make anyone stronger and has defenitely made us stronger! But boy oh boy are we ready to take another step. Wether it be big or small.....just a step!



Show me your ways, O Lord, 
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Psalm 25:4-5        

7 comments:

Leah Robinson said...

Oh hun, praying that you find some comfort! God seems to have given you comfort during your trip...let's just pray you feel that again =) Love you!! We've all been there! When we were trying to conceive Stella I thought about it every day, every minute, every hour!!

Abbie said...

I think you are such a strong, brave woman and I wish you didn't have to deal with this:( But God is working in your life and you don't even realize it - I think that is when the most miraculous thing happen:) Keep trusting in Him and I pray for comfort from this haunting feeling! Love ya!

Courtney, Jeff, Ayla & Leah said...

Stay strong... I am sure that is easier said than done. My best advice is to pour your heart into something that makes you feel good. Lean on waht God has given you. He has a plan for your family and His timing is always the best... you'll see that in the long run. I am going through that myself

Dana said...

Wish there was something I could say or do to help ease the worry and frustration you have...the only words that come to mind are "God loves you". I'll be praying as always...

Chelsa said...

Prayers for you Ashley! Staying busy is good I think, but don't forget to let your feelings out (which is obviously what you're doing here!).

alexknepp said...

I completely understand what you are feeling. Some days I don't even think about being infertile and other days I feel like it defines who I am. :( Praying for you! Oh, and I have those exact verses scribbled on a piece of paper hanging above my computer at work! :)

Tera said...

Oops! Sorry I posted with Alex's account! :)