Thoughts

These past couple weeks we haven't been too busy. Jarod has been helping coach a baseball team this year and their last game was monday. They lost but I know they had a ton fun! Jarod's little half-brother (Ashton) was on the team so I got to watch my man coach and watch Ashton play. I love the fact that he could help on his brother's team:)

Rewinding back to last week. Jarod finally had his appointment with the urologist and it took forever in there. I think we waited almost an hour. So Jarod made himself at home and laid on the examing bed and I think almost fell asleep. haha. Once the doctor finally came in we talked a little and explained everything and what we thought Jarod had. The doctor then examined Jarod in a place men don't usually like to be examined. haha. Then said, I don't think I feel anything. What?! I'm going into to detail so hope you don't mind. I know I had felt it before b/c I was curious but it had been a while. I thought it was on the left side and so that is what we told the doctor. Once we got home I told Jarod, let me try and feel again. haha. I didn and I felt it on the RIGHT side!! Then  I wondered if the doc. even felt the right side or was only focusing on the left b/c that is what we told him. Ugh!! So now we are back to square one. I was hoping after the appointment I would feel a little better or atleast maybe have an idea if Jarod does have a variocele. Now I feel more confused! The doc. did order a lab test (FSH) and I should find out the results later this week. I don't really want to wait till the next appointment in 2 weeks.....sooo I am going to call in and ask for the results just b/c I am curious and want to know if it is normal/high/low. Why did the doctor order an FSH?! Well FSH stimulates sperm production so doing the test helps determine why a male's sperm count may be low. The doctor said if it is high then he may have a blocking, if it is normal he may do an ultrasound to see if Jarod really does have a Variocele and if it is low there are meds out there than help increase a FSH level. So here we are again waiting. Something I am NOT good at!!!

This waiting thing has been getting to me the past week! I wonder:

how long will we have to be "trying"

doing lab work

procedures

visiting doctor's

will we have to do IVF (b/c I am willing to even though it does scare me)

will we get PREGNANT

will this takes YEARS b/c I hear of that all the time from couples dealing with infertility

Jarod is almost 30 and what age will he be when we can have kids....if we can

I had been doing good but I have my ups and downs and this week has been a down for me. Usually I am positive about almost eveything. For some reason I am having a hard time with this issue. Why? I dunno. I pray everyday and hope God is hearing my prayers. I wonder why some couples have a hard time conceiving and others don't. I know life isn't easy and maybe God is reminding me. I have been through plenty of struggles and I KNOW life isn't easy. I really found that out the day my family was in a car accident. I lost a sister that day and almost lost my dad a few times. He was VERY sick for a few months and we literally lived in the hospital for atleast a month to see my dad every minute we could in the ICU!! I am VERY thankful my dad is still here today along with my mom and I don't know what I would do without them!!! But then I wonder why did he take my sister and why are we having to struggle with inferitlity now?! I am the only one now that can give my parents a grand-child and boy are they ready!!! I wish I could tell them they are going to be grandparents but I can't. The only thing I can do is pray!! I feel for all the other women out there that are dealing with this. I really know where you are coming from. We haven't been dealing with this for as long as many other couples and still have a long road ahead of us. Kinda scares me! I have already started following other infertilty blogs and that really has helped me!!! If anyone is dealing with this feel free to e-mail me (an41@evansville.edu). I would love to try and help you out or maybe give you some advice!!! I thank all the women that have already talked to me about this b/c it truely has helped:) I hope I start to get out of this rut soon....I know I will but I just hate when I get in them. I think everybody gets a little down sometimes. We are human!

Until next time....I will have a happier post:) haha. We have a couple Fourth of July things going on and will post about that next week!!

Hope everyone has a great Fourth of July week-end!!       

Great Friends = Great Time

This past week-end we had a busy day and a relaxed day....worked out perfect! Sunday was our relaxed day and we stayed around the house most of the day. Saturday we visited my parents before we headed down to Evansville. We had plans to get together with some friends that we don't get to see as much as we would like. This outing was planned a month ago....we have to do that b/c all of our schedules NEVER seem to match up! All of us girls have went to high school or college together and have stayed close. Our next get together is already being planned and I can't wait. We are having it at our house and I am totally finding some way to get a huge piece of plastic to make a BIG slip n slide. I have seen this before and thought it would be sooo much fun:) We will find a way for it to work and it may have to invovle soap, baby oil or whatever else we can think of. haha. Here are some pictures to share from the week-end. Also some pics. of us girls together two weeks ago....we were on a roll being able to see each other. Thanks for being such great friends DeAnne, D'Andrea, Steph and Hope!!!

The grill master! Todd has a Traeger and that is exactly what Jarod wants.

Me, Sis (D'Andrea) and baby. We will soon find out if it is a girl or boy in a couple weeks!!

DeAnne and Steph

The girls

Just having fun

The boys (Jarod, Al, Jhance and Todd)...too bad it is blurry

At Olive Garden. I don't really like salad but I LOVE it here!

Hope (college friend) with Lilah and just found out she has another one baking away!!!

This was only the second time I got to see Lilah. The first was when she was only a couple days old. She is a doll and LOVED everyone!

Hanging out. Copper loved Lilah. 

And I can't forget to post a picture of our new nephew. Dre' Carter Knepp. Such a cutie!

Also, those following our infertility journey I have appointments made with the urologist in a couple weeks AND an infertility doctor in Evansville next month. I went ahead and made an appointment with an infertility doctor b/c of Jarod's count being so low but hopefully the urologist can do surgery and increase that some! If not we will already have an infertility doctor that we will know.

Mixed Emotions

This post is an update on our journey with infertility. I know I haven't posted anything about it in a while and just found out some news this week that is giving me mixed emotions. We have been doing really good with the thought of still no positive pregnancy test until this week. I had called the doctor's office to get a requisition for a sperm anaylsis a couple weeks ago. Well the first try we messed it up a little. Funny now but not that funny at the time. I know I kinda felt a little stupid at the time since I am a nurse but wasn't thinking about really at the time. So my poor husband had to do the sperm in a bottle thing.  We followed the directions on the paper and had it all ready. We didn't get the sperm too hot or too cold on the way to the hospital and were pretty happy of getting that over with. Well....we got to the hospital and they asked if we kept them under our armpit or in between our legs to keep them BODY TEMPERATURE. I was like....uhhh no! They said they could do the test but it wouldn't be as accurate so I said, we will just have to do it again. In my head I was like not again. My poor husband! I still have to tell the doctor's office they should put that on the paper. I know there has to be more people out there that did the same thing!

So last friday we did the test AGAIN. I was nervous of what the results would be and called the doctor's office wednesday to see if they had the results yet. They said they had the results but had to show them to the doctor before they could tell me. I knew it wasn't going to be good news when they said that or they would have probably told me then. They called back a few minutes later and the news that still makes my heart sink is that Jarod's sperm count was ONLY 2!!!! Just 2!!! The news nobody wants to hear!! The normal is 60,000-100,000! I wanted to start crying on the phone but held it in until I hung up. I am nervous, scared, happy and don't know what to do. I am happy that atleast we did have 2 and not 0. That is the postive! But our chances of having a baby on our own is going to be reallyyy hard. I have been praying every night for months now that we will be able to have a child. Jarod and I even joked that those few sperms that do survive are going to have to be some pretty tough sperm. haha. We did do another sperm analysis that same day and I will find out the resutls monday. I know it will still be low but having a second test done will make me feel better!

I called that same day to the urologist to get an appointment for Jarod b/c he does have a Variocele. This is the #1 cause of infertility in males. It is an abnormal enlargement of the vein that is in the scrotum draining the testicles. It pretty much heats the sperm too much where it kills them. I am hoping the doctor can do surgery and that will give us a greater chance of increasing Jarod's sperm count. The surgery can be done in an out-patient bases and usually doesn't have any complications. Usually pretty simple! I just hate that Jarod may have to get this done b/c nobody likes to have any kind of surgery. But he is willing and is being a good sport:) I couldn't get an appointment in until the end of this month which I was bummed about:( Does anyone know of any guy that has or had this?!

Until then I am just asking if you could say a little prayer for us! This week really got me down but I know there is a reason for everything. I am sooo grateful that I have an amazing husband that is right there by my side and such good support! We have already talked about the what if's and what we thought about things! This is only the begining and I know something will work out! I know God has a plan for everything! Just wish I knew now. I know, I know I don't have much patience! I do know this will only make us stronger in the end though!       

The Snapshots are up!

So I am just now uploading pics. I know it took me a little longer than I wanted but they are up now:) 

Hello Mexico!!!!

The sand was so soft!

My "amish" hubby. haha

Gotta have a Mariachi band in Mexico

Jarod, me and a REAL alligator!!! Oh the things you will do out of the U.S;)

Enjoying our time together

Beach Volleyball everyday!

Swim-up bar. These are so cool!

Yummy!

I want to blow up this pic. and put up in our house. I love all the colors!

The landscaping was beautiful.

Kisses

Hammock time. Our last day I got Jarod to get in this with me:)

The view from our room. I would wake up every morning and sit out on a our balcony and take it all in.

My life saver

More of the landscaping. Mi Pueblo has metal statues just like this.

Taking a break from our bike ride.

First time sitting at a Hibachi grill. This guy was impressive! We tried to make the same dish but not quite as good:(

Monkeys!!!! They are so fun and silly.

Our last meal. We ordered room service. Not very much food I know. haha

Are you serious? It is our last day already.

Hope you enjoyed looking at our pics!