Still the same

I wanted to update on our infertility journey since I haven't in a while.....well there wasn't much done for a while so maybe that is why too. Last week Jarod went for a semen analysis (SA) AGAIN. They wanted us to wait a couple months after his testicular biopsy done Nov. 1. Usually they say every 3 months the count may vary because of the production cyle of the sperm. Well Jarod has been taking the herbs I was talking about (blue steele and false unicorn- I know they sound strange), an L-Carnitine vitamin, B12 vitamin and a multivitamin everyday since the biopsy hoping it would improve his count knowing we would be doing another SA. Well last week it did show Jarod had very few sperm but NO motility. So really not much of a change since the past SA's and I don't know if there is going to be much of a change......everytime we do this I go in hoping maybe this time it will be better!!! But nope! I just need to accept it that this is what it is going to be. Taking the vitamins was the last thing I wanted Jarod to try since there are no medications out there to improve sperm production:(  I am still going to have Jarod take the vitamins but after these herbs are gone I don't think we are going to buy anymore of them.

We had an appt. with our infertility doctor the same day we did the SA and he said, we probably won't be able to use sperm from a SA and the only chance we may have of using Jarod's sperm for IVF is by doing ANOTHER testicular biopsy and trying to aspirate sperm. The only thing is that it isn't a 100% that they will find sperm. IF we would want to do that they would have to have back up sperm meaning donor sperm in case they would not be able to find any of Jarod's sperm. They have to do this b/c the the egg retrieval and sperm retrieval is done at the same time and they would have to implant the egg within a certain time frame. Now that is scary to think about!!!! I would awake from the surgery finding out if these embryo babies are going to my husbands sperm or someone else's.

Our options keep getting more and more complicated and it is SUCH a HARD DECISOIN to think about!!! We don't know for sure what we want to do but I do know we would love to try to have atleast one child that is ours. Is that too hard to ask for?? I know it may sound bad since there are so many kids out there to adopt. BUT I don't know about other people but I think most couples would like to have a child that is a part of them. We may have to adopt and we are still up for that option but I hate to give up on trying. I know there has to be a stopping point but deep inside I don't know if I am ready....I may have regrets down the road and wonder what if! We made an appt. with another infertility doctor in Indy......well the same one I had made an appt. with before. I cancelled though b/c I wanted to wait till we did this past SA but I wish I would have kept it b/c now we have to wait till MAY to see him!!!! I would have never imagined we would have to wait 4 months. So more waiting.......the story of infertility life. When I found out we had to wait till May I was bummed b/c I am soooooo ready to try/do something. I guess this is a way of God telling me to wait and have patience!!! For some reason he keeps testing me.....I know in the future I will know why. But until then I guess we won't know too much more.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. - Romans 12:12